David Arioch – Jornalismo Cultural

It was as if she tried to throw her essence beyond a shaky and noisy abyss

It was as if she tried to throw her essence beyond a shaky and noisy abyss (Photo: Copy)

I was eight years old. Henry and Rick came to call me on a Saturday to go to their house to play with a “different” animal. My mother allowed me to go, and we went down the street. Arriving there, I saw a goat, and she was so white and portentous that simply the fact that it exists seemed to be enough to convey the most enjoyable serenity.

She remained silent tied to a mango tree in the backyard, and since the first time I saw her, I noticed her melancholic tiny eyes. Some parts of her body had a lot of scars; the goat might have been hurt in escape attempts. While I was drawing my own conclusions, she got tired of standing and sat down on a portion of dried leaves, ignoring the rotting mangos messing up her fur.

Her head was moving slowly from side to side. At the same time, seven or eight people were shouting, laughing and talking. Dogs and cats were running around the yard. It was like a joke without time to finish. For fear of being scolded, I stayed in a corner watching the goat whom I called Angel – without telling anyone.

Henry’s father didn’t take his eyes off her. Between sips of beer, he approached the goat. And she remained indifferent to everything, didn’t react to subtle slaps she received, accompanied by a smile and a cliché phrase: “It’s toooodaay! Yeah!” I didn’t understand what he meant and I kept silent. When I coughed, Angel perceived I was sitting on the floor’s porch, resting my back.

In her eyes, there was an opacity that sometimes turned into a fortuitous shine. It was as if she tried to throw her essence beyond a shaky and noisy abyss. Fifteen minutes later, she closed her eyes, looked at the floor and stayed that way. I got up and walked up to her, then Henry’s father suddenly appeared and suggested that I should depart from the goat. “Go play over there, David! Don’t get near the goat!”

Sulky and startled, I went to my corner. Angel opened her eyes again. Even with dirty paws and its slightly turbid loin, in my ideas she was still the most unpolluted being in that place. I couldn’t associate Angel’s image to dirt. The countenance and everything emanating from her reinforced my opinion.

After a few minutes, a sudden breeze rustled the leaves of the mango tree. Angel rose, lifted her head skyward and felt the whiff of nature stroking her long thin beard. I had the impression of seeing her smiling while her fur swelled in their contemplative simplicity.

Once the zephyr left, the light gradually extinguished. The sun no longer shone on our heads. It was an early afternoon which seemed like an early evening. Worried, I ran to the house to help my mother to take clothes off the clothesline, believing that the rain would come soon, falling and dragging everything with rascality.

Back at Henry’s house, my legs trembled when I looked toward the mango tree. Angel had her throat cut and below it there were two buckets of blood splashing on the ground, painted red the leaves and mangos on the ground. I tried to touch her head with my hand, or at least the threads of her beard, but I was small and only could pet her legs.

I felt chills and cried when I saw her mellifluous rectangular eyes still damp. I knew she had been crying because her beard dripped transparency on my forehead. Angry, I walked to a men’s circle and asked why they killed the goat. “To eat! What a silly question!”, they responded as a chorus, making fun of my exasperation.

At night, before sleep, I knelt beside the bed, I prayed and asked God to put Angel in a good place, and do not let her wander aimlessly, because she died tragically and prematurely. In the morning, some people came to our house to offer goat’s meat, but my mom declined politely. Although angry, I didn’t say anything. Then, I was told that everyone who ate Angel’s flesh became ill.

Furthermore, four men who participated in the goat slaughter died in an accident in the same week, carrying cattle from one state to the other. Superstitious, Henry’s father never killed another animal. And I, over a month, continued with the same prayer: “God, put the friends of Henry’s father in a good place. But give priority to Angel because she died first.”

Within seconds, it turned into a euphoric little pig that grunted and turned around its tail

It was a landrace pig that ran through my face with his tongue (Art: Cari Humphry)

The memory still fresh of the last time I ate meat. My friends offered me a hamburger, something I spent even months without eating, and I accepted. After all, it was a friday night. “All right, just today”, I thought. I bit slowly, and without the pleasure I once had. The food that was brought had a variety of meats – chicken fillet, red meat and bacon slices. It was huge and barely fit in my hands, even though they are not small.

After eating, I looked the white paper surrounding the burger. I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash can. A long time ago, I got used to not overeating, because I see no sense in going beyond my needs. While sitting there, I lost interest in continuing to read a book that hitherto pervaded my thoughts and ramblings. I felt myself bloated, not by the amount of ingested food, but for some motivation that I believe is biologically inexplicable. Suddenly, my mouth went sour as if I had received a dose of gall. I went to my bedroom, looked in the mirror and I did not recognize myself. My eyes were translucent and in it I saw something suddenly moving, as if motivated by overblown discomfort.

I took my hands to my abdomen and I realized that my stomach had become unrecognizable, misshapen and soft. Involuntarily, it was distended in a careful concealment. It was incomprehensible because I had not eaten much. When I turned my attention to my face in the mirror, there were some risks in my carmine sclerotic. I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them had vanished. The same happened with the marks that appeared on my stomach, remembering paw touches. “What a strange thing! What’s happening to me? “, I questioned scared.

I turned off the computer, turned off the light and lay in bed. I was tired, but sleep overcame my desire to stay awake. I looked at the ceiling and I noticed that it was moving slowly. I could not be dizzy because my space notion persisted accurately. Beside me, I could see everything with precise clarity. As soon as the ceiling opened, as if it were moved from place without causing any kind of noise, clutter or dirt, the fresh rain threw diligent over me. I moved on the bed with the swiftness of those who were suffering from hypnic jerk. Standing and mesmerized by the moonlit sky that was lighting up my room with an azure light, I continued in silence, inert.

The beauty of autumnal morning offering a variegated aroma of leaves and flowers was overshadowed by miasma, brought by a flying little cow with a pig snout and crow’s feet. After all, it was a beautiful animal in its disharmonious uniqueness. I remembered the paintings of Corine Perier and Chris Buzelli. The difference was that they did not smell of death. When the little cow landed beside me, the pestilence intensified. “I didn’t drink! How bizarre is that? Am I freaking out?”, I thought. She watched me soundlessly. Her eyes grew and decreased. It looked like a heart beating. And the stench only increasing. Suddenly she gave a mooing, mixed with a cackle and groan. Then she leaned over to massage her head.

One of them jumped on my pillow and began to chirp as if he wanted something (Art: Dan Kosmayer)

Before I touched her, the little cow left the same way she arrived – flying and throwing from her breasts, some gushes of thick milk mixed with blood. A portion impacted on my head. I passed my hand and I perceived my greasy hair, with stench of curd and rust. I breathed deeply with closed eyes, trying to restore my calm. When I opened my eyes, everything was gone except the smell of death which was in fact emanated from my body, not from her.

I went back to bed suffering from a stomachache – gave me the impression that the hamburger was turning my stomach. I slept less than an hour because I heard an unusual noise which was repeated every five or ten seconds. Troubled, I bowed my head under the bed and I felt a damp warm thing caressing my complexion. It was a landrace pig that ran through my face with his tongue. In the dark, his eyes glistened as if they had their own light. He smiled and that was intriguing.

Paying much attention to me, the pig stepped back quietly, as if he was sorry. He tripped over his own feet and cried. His tears streamed down his muzzle. Cornered in a nook beside the door, his fear highlighted even more than his rosaceous skin. I was confused and startled when the pig asked me a question with a faltering voice: “Why did you eat my mother?”

The question was not repeated and I thought I was delirious. I did not answer. I preserved the silence until the sudden arrival of retching. Pale, I saw my hands turned diaphanous. Something rose in me while my body was warming and cooling. When I opened my mouth, the bacon bits were released as one-piece to the floor. They joined as if they were magnetized.

Within seconds, it turned into a euphoric little pig that grunted and turned around its tail. As he entered, the pig jumped on her and, eagerly, licked her. The two were there together, so close that I had the impression that they shared the same breath. When I looked away quickly, they disappeared. I lay in bed again. I slept for two or three hours until I saw an animal playing on my back. He was light and smelled like corn grits and soybean meal. There were three chicks walking over me.

One of them jumped on my pillow and began to chirp as if he wanted something. The animal started to scratch on me, trying to convey a message. I stood and watched him climb up my arm like a bridge. Over my shoulder, he chirped softly, communicating with the other two who repeated the path. In a burst, the retching came with everything. From my mouth, came out a few small pieces of chicken fillet. Before falling to the ground, won the shape of a chicken that flew short flapping her wings and making a scrannel shambles.

Only an ox who introduced himself as Pastiche spoke to me (Art: OuShiMei)

The chicks jumped on him and the four ran out the door in the silent darkness of the morning. I didn’t follow them. With my arms flat on the bed, I watched everything with battered and half-closed eyes. Exhausted, I fell into bed and fell asleep. In deep sleep, I saw myself eating the hamburger from last night. With every bite, I felt the pain of finitude, the uninterrupted scent of death. All the sadness of the passing was absorbed by my body, making me experience occasional chills.

There was fear, anxiety, stress, helplessness and agony. The dead animals concentrated all in their flesh wich fillled my lunch, vibrating inside me the agglutination of unintentional and solemn negative energy emanated by the certainty of decline. The pain ran through my essence and made me watch the final moments of cattle, pigs, goats and poultry. Many were weeping before the execution because they recognized that their vitalities were will be inhibited early.

Death created a tortuous path that subsisted in me. “See my pain, feel my pain. A world with so many animals and less lives. One day men will suffer like us. The meat shall remain, but there will be nobody to feed. So, the world will rot, surrendered to the unrestrained excesses of production”, echoed in my mind a voice that although well articulated simulated a syncretism of animal sounds of various species.

“I was born in these days. Just look at my size, I grew up. And tomorrow, I will have to die because that’s what my creator wanted”, said a resigned chicken in a plastic cage, before having his feet chopped off by a machete. The more gullible, who did not know their fate, fluttered in vain. They were badly wounded, but they were fighting for freedom with innocence and awkwardness, since unaware of another reality other than confinement.

In a large farm out of sight, the pigs commented that there was a great slaughter the next day. One of them managed to escape and reveal the plot to other animals imprisoned 50 and up to 100 meters away. “We were created to die! To die! Only that! Nothing more!”, shouted a young clumsy pig. During the night, the animals got together and dug a ditch mammoth. In sequence, they jumped on the hole and asked dozens of horses from the stud farm to cover them with soil.

“At least we’ll die with dignity”, argued one of the highest rated pigs of the property. They chose to kill themselves because they believed that they would lose their souls. when they were served as food to men. The next day, everyone was dead – the little ones, young adults and older animals, embraced regardless of species. In front of the huge makeshift tomb there was a scratched sentence on the earth – “The speciesism is like a snorting candle in the rain.”

I woke up again when I heard a scream. I found myself behind bars being transported on a truck. I searched my hands and I could not find them. I looked down and realized I was no longer a human being, except for my own conscience, psychological and emotional condition. Physically I was a sturdy black ox flanked by oxen. Most remained silent. Only an ox who introduced himself as Pastiche spoke to me.

The time is coming, my friend. Our journey came to an end. Pasture, feedlot and slaughter. It is our fate”, he lamented, articulating a mournful and prolonged bellowing. Suddenly, everyone was silent, with their bulky heads in their own paws. I heard a strange and unison sound. It was like a ritual I did not understand because I was not a real ox.

I recognized the weight of death when the truck driver lost control and fell from a cliff. Down there, where the grass penetrated my nostrils and reluctantly invaded my mouth, I saw the broken and open body  of the truck. Around me, my traveling companions were killed, including Pastiche that brought an expression of satisfaction in the midst of misery. There was a smell of narcotic blood, manure and feed based on corn.

With few injuries and abrasions, I got up and ran across the green meadow. My ears recognized the lofty oxytone sound of a flock of swallows. I kept running without stopping, for an infinite land where man could never reach me. Awakened again from a dream, I was startled, with my heart pounding, feeling in my lips a taste that seemed to be of my own flesh. Ensnared, I saw that there was still at my side the hamburger’s white paper, an unforgettable memory of an avalanche.

“Mato mesmo!”, confirmou o menino rindo e ouvindo o comentário do sobrinho do meu avô (Foto: Reprodução)

Quando eu tinha oito anos, viajamos para Batayporã, no Mato Grosso do Sul. Lá, conheci outros familiares do meu avô. Mas naquela viagem só uma pessoa me chamou a atenção – um primo de terceiro grau. Ele tinha sete anos e olhos avermelhados.

Na fazenda, o vi de longe, expulsando alguns animais que circulavam pela casa principal. Me falaram que ele matava porcos desde os cinco anos, e que gostava de eviscerá-los com um punhal resguardado por gerações. “Mato mesmo!”, confirmou o menino rindo e ouvindo o comentário do sobrinho do meu avô.

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Lembro da primeira vez que conheci uma criança cega. Foi em frente à igreja. Ela tinha a minha idade, não mais que seis anos. Ficamos os dois nos observando. Eu com meus olhos, ela com suas mãos cheirando à hortelã colhida na horta da paróquia.

Noah came behind me, tapped my shoulder twice and gave me an invitation

I was in the Municipal Cemetery of Alto Paraná talking to a stranger named Noah (Photo: Copy)

On a normal day, still far from the Holiday of Finados (Day of the Dead), I was in the Municipal Cemetery of Alto Paraná talking to a stranger named Noah. A short distance from the entrance, we were talking about life and death, while few people came in and came out of the place.

The weather was still mild and the sun had not shown up that morning, making me see everything in front of me as if I were surrounded by a gothic painting, where the low light lauded the shadows and showed, an in unusual way, tombs, crosses, people and animals that composed those typically christian scene.

For a moment, I rubbed my eyes and realized that the fact that everything look bigger was not an illusion, but a temporary manifestation of nature, able to belittle or enhance humans in many different ways, simply by manipulating the weather, time and spatial sense.

I noticed that it had been raining for the past few days, and the trees that surrounded the cemetery exuded perfume of bark and roots, a blended fragrance, that confused even the best apothecaries. One of them, occasionally swayed the branches and dripped on my head, as if to warn me about something.

I just rubbed my hands on my damp hair, and occasionally I heard Noah reporting his adventures while he was traveling on horseback on dirt roads, and sleeping on graves of abandoned cemeteries. Once, he woke up with phalanges of a corpse on his chest. He never knew how those bones ended up over his body.

In a moment of silence, I heard the song of a trogon with a bronze chest. On a lofty cross, he seemed lost in thought, watching me as the mist veiled his feet. “Have you heard of Pragueira Verduga?”, asked Noah, diverting my attention from the bird. I said no and he told me that it’s a worm that gnaws bronze plates whenever the humidity is too high.

When I left and walked toward the parking lot, where there was no one, Noah came behind me, tapped my shoulder twice and gave me an invitation: “Man, let’s go there to pick up some bronze plaques. I believe there is some very good stuff. Let’s go?” Astonished, I did not believe what I heard. Then, he insisted on the offer and I promptly refused.

His countenance changed quickly. The serene and thoughtful mien was replaced by a withering look and a wicked laugh. Noah tilted his head toward his feet and said with a sardonic smile: “Alright! But I have a present for you. I call it the Philosophy of Gunpowder. It burns instantly, allowing a new kind of understanding of life.”

Inert, I watched Noah showing a caliber .38 revolver wrapped in a piece of orange flannel inside his backpack. Without hesitation, he ordered me to give two thousand dollars kept in my wallet. “I don’t have this money in my wallet. Where did you get that idea?, I asked. Noah said he had a vision of someone with my profile come to the cemetery in the morning, carrying $2,000. I opened my wallet and showed that I had only $200.

I put the money over a short wall and threw my wallet at his feet, so that he looked at the content. Angered, Noah took aim the gun at me. I did not run or threaten to attack him. I simply kept my eyes toward him as my legs seemed to dissolve, wanting to immerse into the moist dappled soil. “Maybe I’ll become something that springs from the earth, or I will disappear as a fuse of the gunpowder that will invade me”, I thought, before I lose myself in a vacuum where existence and nonexistence look also like insomniacs.

Noah pulled the trigger, but there were no bullets, and he did not know that. He ran to the side of the road, entered in a hearse, and disappeared. My $200 was still on the short wall where the breeze moved everything, with the exception of the notes. After, I took my wallet and my money, I went to the landfill near the cemetery. There, I handed the money to the children who were looking for something salvageable from the debris. In the same week, I read in the newspaper that Noah returned to the Our Home Psychiatric Hospital, of Loanda.

He made unusual noises, contorting his mouth, frowning and craning his neck

He ran two kilometers on foot without knowing that they’d never let him go (Photo: Cultural Foundation of Paranavaí)

In 1949, on a cold and especially dark morning, Nicanor woke up scared and struggling to move. He felt the rust smell of his own dried blood that covered part of his cheekbones and chin. The nauseating odor numbed him, and made him weep to the point of the thick parched blood turned into balls that crashed against the dirt floor. In sandy soil, they were joining and forming a larger and opaque sphere as a ground ball, like children shape to throw in friends and neighbors.

Hoarse, feverish and with only one feebly eye open, the boy had no strength to articulate a word without stammering and feeling a tremor that began on his heels and ended at his neck. When he shook his legs in vain, he felt his blackened fingers, thick-skinned, sprung out of the white sandals tatters. Unintentionally, he touched a fetid paste that was formed from his feces, urine and blood. He suffered so much in recent days that he unlearned to cry.

He made unusual noises, contorting his mouth, frowning and craning his neck. With the strength that remained, he strove, trying to see something by an elongated spacious crack. Nicanor lusted after a little sunshine, but the only occasional visitor was a random blast of glacial and searing wind that touched his skin with the delicacy of the blade knife.

Sometimes, he shook his head and gazed at the ceiling, watching the holes where rainwater invaded the old ranch which was previously used for coffee storage. After all, he saw some beauty in chance and he was grateful because of it. If it were not for the invasion of nature, he would complete 23 days without feeling the water anointing his lips. Each drop was sucked with the satisfaction of who drank water from a robust and overflowing mug.

However, his mood oscillated with the hours. In early night without rain, only the song of the cicadas and the treble shrieks of owls soothed him. The silence scared Nicanor because it brought the indescribable void of absence and the mourning of that was not died. Yes, it was less frightening, much less than the synchronous sound of boots approaching the old dark cottage. With his ears made anomalous by despair, Nicanor recognized by far the rinkle of a machete in friction with the parabellum shaking on a loose holster.

At such times, his eyes moistened sharply, focusing on oxytone pain on the edges, making boiling tears. The palate was so inflamed that the boy could not keep his mouth shut, like the door where four men of abyssal eyes entered once a day smiling. Sardonic, they always came by surprise. They clapped their hands and said the same words: “Hello! Is there anyone there? We are coming and we are entering, my fella.” They closed the door with an ax handle and witnessed the Nicanor agony as if they were watching a festive show.

Making a startling effort to prevent urinary incontinence, the boy invariably recognized the defeat. He was embarrassed and feeling worse than a maggot. Nicanor defecated, dirtying his legs and feet even more from rubbing on the ground and touching the soil with yellowed nails. The mockery from torturers followed interleaved quince rod blows on the inner portion of purplish thighs. When Nicanor closed his eyes and leaned his chin on his chest, one of the executioners swung the chain that bound his crossed and bloodied wrists. He woke up scared, with some faltered and narrowed muscles, especially the sphincter.

He forgot even the shabby clothes he wore for more than a month, enough time to stick onto his body as a second skin. He wished death upon hearing the crackling sound of a piece of wood on ember. He only calmed down when he saw the ominous stocky bald man, with dark teeth, get away from him carrying an orange bat. While Nicanor perished a little more, the four executioners ate corn bread with butter, and also drank a mate so hot that steam wet the flagellated hands of the boy. After the break, the four stood up, withdrew their horsewhips attached to the belt of their trousers. Then, they started the scourge that lasted more than an hour.

In a reflection of effort so dedicated that he felt something was pressing inside his skull, Nicanor remembered that a month before he explained to the boss, someone for whom he worked since 1944 on a farm, that he would change service. The boy would open his own business in the city. The man then agreed and suggested that the boy go to a ranch in the woods in the late afternoon to do the reckoning. Easygoing, he ran two kilometers on foot without knowing that they’d never let him go. Overcome by uncontrollable grief, he stammered and begged God to take him away. Then beseeched which allowed him to smell the perfume of wet grass.

At the end of the night, Nicanor had a seizure and fainted. Prostrate, with a weak pulse and beginning his end, he was dragged, like a piece of carrion, by two gunmen outside the ranch. They threw his body in the vicinity of a stream and ran, fearing for their lives, reminiscing about the old folk legend of Tabarel From Candlesticks, a mystic figure known to charge double the deaths on a fog day.

The next morning, the young man woke rubbing his hands on his body. It was hard to believe that he was still alive and that some of the injuries disappeared, as well as his severe pain. Perplexed, Nicanor looked around and put his hands on his face, free of dried up blood. He rolled over and cried like a child rediscovering the world, after intensely aspiring the scent of mellowy dewy grass that wrapped his body in a romanesque morning.

Photo: Copy

Cherubim heard gunshots followed by meowing. Outside, on the sandy dirt road, Ranulph did not move, and was sprawled over a portion of sibipiruna’s fine sheets. His mouth was still hanging open, exposing the pain of death not even spared the most innocent beings.

The boy tried to stop crying because he was afraid to look too sentimental. Cherubim made so much effort that the hot tears, that threatened to drain the corners of the eyes, disappeared without gaining the principle of freedom.

Angry, Cherubim noted Matias on the mango tree, smiling and aiming the shotgun in his direction. “Do you want too? I give you, muggle!”, warned the boy. Cherubim said nothing. Only scratched his head, regardless of the dusty cloud that was forming around his head like orange mist.

Keeping his back in front of the killer, the boy crouched and made caresses on the cat’s belly. The kitten no longer felt Cherubim’s hands on his clear fur. Where there was a pair of blue eyes, it remained a small shapeless mass. Two bashful tears fell, moistening the cat’s dry mouth. It was too late.

The hours passed away, and the nature buried Ranulph, covering his body with sandy soil, gradually transported from the forest by south wind. “Cherubim! Take this animal here. It will start to stink”, they said. He just nodded his head in agreement, without even moving his legs that rested on the curb.

When the earth, dragged by gale, invaded the cat’s mouth, the boy approached and cleaned it using a washcloth moistened with water. In the late afternoon, he tried to bury Ranulph in his mother’s garden. He was reprimanded as he was digging the earth with his grandfather’s trowel. “Are you mad, boy?! This is no place to bury an animal!”, complained his grandfather.

The old man picked up the dead cat by the back skin and put him into a thick dark bag. It looked like a cadaver pouch in PVC. He hung the bag on the handlebars of the bike, and rode to a vacant lot used as a garbage dump in the nearest neighborhood. He returned without a word, walked into the kitchen, took a bitter sip of coffee and laid down on the hammock.

Cherubim was watching the old man, wondering what he did to Ranulph. Without the courage to ask, he recalled a law imposed in Paraná village in the 1970s, when three large dogs killed two babies. “No one can come here with animals. If someone kills an animal, nobody can cry or bury him, or they will have to deal with me”, said Mandino Counselor, whom the population resorted to whenever there was a problem in the neighborhood.

Under a papaya tree, Cherubim watched his grandfather sleep on the hammock. He cried and shouted with his hands in his mouth. The boy also lashed his own legs and back with the papaya branches. No one listened. The welts multiplied. He did not care. He lay on the ground and felt a bitter taste in his mouth, a mixture of dirt and blood.

He woke up at down, lying on his old mattress, wrapped in a dirty white sheet and full of holes. Through the orifice in the roof, the sun illuminated a dog food packet flanked by a water bowl. Cherubim got up and ran to the shack entrance, where he lived with his mother and his grandfather. The hovel threatened to fall for years, but resisted.

He sat on the floor and used a piece of stick to draw Ranulph. After he was finished, he dozed a little, with his back propped up on a wooden fence with barbed wire. In his dream, he heard a purr that prickled him. He opened his eyes and under his left hand, Ranulph was marking his territory again, rubbing his dirt and soft fur on him.

The smell of garbage went unnoticed, not the hunger meowing. Crying, Cherubim held the blind and overwrought cat in his arms. He took him into the house, and there they stayed the rest of the day. The Ranulph and Cherubim story changed Paraná Village in the late 1990s: “Who does not see love in an animal, does not see love itself,” said Mandino’s son.

Foto: Reprodução

Querubim ouviu tiro de espingarda seguido de miado. Lá fora, na rua de terra arenosa, Ranulpho nem se mexia, estatelado sobre uma porção de folhas miúdas de sibipiruna. A boca continuava entreaberta, denunciando que a dor da morte não poupava nem os mais inocentes.

Com receio de parecer sentimental demais, o menino engoliu o choro. Fez tanto esforço que as quentes lágrimas que ameaçavam escorrer dos cantos dos olhos desapareceram. Nem conquistaram o princípio de liberdade. Encolerizado, Querubim observou Matias sobre o pé de manga, sorrindo e mirando a espingarda em sua direção. “Você quer também? Dou em você, trouxa!”, avisou o moleque. Querubim não disse nada. Só coçou a cabeça, sem se importar com a nuvem poeirenta que se formava ao redor de sua cabeça, como névoa alaranjada.

De costas para o assassino, o menino agachou e fez carícias na barriga do gato que já não sentia suas mãos sobre o pelo claro. Onde havia um par de olhos azuis, restaram pequenas massas disformes. Duas lágrimas caíram pejosas, umedecendo a boca seca do felino. Era tarde demais.

As horas passavam, e a natureza sepultava Ranulpho, cobrindo seu corpo com o solo arenoso, pouco a pouco transportado do bosque pelo vento sul. “Ô Querubim! Leva esse bicho daqui. Já vai começar a feder”, diziam. Ele só acenava com a cabeça em concordância, sem sequer mover as pernas alinhadas sobre o meio-fio.

Quando a terra arrastada pela aragem invadia a boca do gato, o menino se aproximava e a limpava usando uma toalhinha umedecida com água. No final da tarde, tentou enterrar Ranulpho no canteiro de plantas de sua mãe. Foi repreendido enquanto cavava a terra com a colher de pedreiro de seu avô. “Tá louco, menino! Aqui não é lugar de enterrar bicho!”, reclamou o avô.

O velho pegou o gato morto pelo couro do dorso e o lançou dentro de uma sacola grossa e escura. Parecia um saco para cadáver em PVC. A pendurou no guidão da bicicleta de aros tortos e pedalou até o lixão do bairro mais próximo. Retornou sem dizer palavra. Entrou na cozinha, tomou um gole de café amargo e deitou na rede.

Querubim assistia o velho, querendo saber o que ele fez com Ranulpho. Sem coragem de perguntar, lembrou de uma lei imposta na Vila Paraná na década de 1970, quando três cães de grande porte mataram dois bebês. “Ninguém mais pode entrar aqui com animais. E se alguém matar, não pode chorar nem enterrar, senão vai se ver comigo”, declarou Mandino Conselheiro, a quem a população recorria sempre que surgia algum problema no bairro.

Sob um pé de mamão, Querubim observou o avô até a hora em que o velho dormiu na rede. Chorou e gritou com a mão na boca. Também açoitou as próprias pernas e costas com os galhos do mamoeiro. Ninguém ouvia. Os vergões se multiplicavam. Ele não se importava. Deitou na terra e sentiu gosto acre na boca, misto de terra e sangue.

Amanheceu no seu colchão velho, enrolado num lençol branco encardido e cheio de furos. Pelo buraco no teto, o sol mirava pacotinho de ração ladeado por tampa com água. Querubim levantou e correu até a entrada do barraco onde vivia com a mãe e o avô. O casebre ameaçava cair há anos, porém resistia.

Sentou no chão e usou pedaço de graveto para desenhar Ranulpho. Quando terminou, cochilou com as costas escoradas na cerca de madeira e arame farpado. Em sonho, ouviu um ronronar que lhe arrepiou até os pelos que não possuía. Abriu os olhos e, sob sua mão esquerda, Ranulpho marcava território mais uma vez, esfregando o pelo sujo e macio.

O odor de lixo passou despercebido, não o miado de fome. Chorando, Querubim tomou o gato cego e derreado nos braços. O levou para dentro de casa e de lá não saiu mais naquele dia. A história de Ranulpho e Querubim mudou a Vila Paraná no final dos anos 1990: “Quem não vê amor num animal, não vê amor em si mesmo”, disse Neto Conselheiro, filho de Mandino.

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“Cadê o dourado do sol cobrindo a fazendinha das abelhas?”

Parou de lacrimejar e sorriu, levantando as mãos para o firmamento, onde o zunido da última abelhinha ecoou como um tipo de agradecimento (Pintura: Delilah Smith)

Até os sete anos, a maior alegria de Paulinho era acordar cedo para comer algumas bolachinhas de mel, tomar um copo de suco de laranja e sair para brincar com os amiguinhos. O doce sabor do alimento fazia sua língua acidular. Com satisfação, ele sempre dizia: “Eita, delícia!”

Iogurte com mel, banana com mel, panqueca com mel, bolo de mel, torta de mel e bala de mel. Tudo que tinha o néctar das abelhas o alegrava. E depois de comer, não era raro o garotinho ludibriar os pais, fugindo da obrigação de escovar os dentes. Entrava no banheiro, fechava a porta, molhava a escova de dentes e a esfregava contra a palma da mão esquerda, fazendo barulhinho ardiloso.

Após dois ou três minutos, saía de lá sentindo-se vitorioso, roçando a língua entre os dentes e absorvendo o aroma de mel da própria boca. “Amo mel! Queria que minha boca nunca perdesse o cheiro de mel”, refletia copiosamente.

E era verdade. Paulinho gostava tanto de mel que seu quarto foi decorado como se fosse a mais romanesca das colmeias. Havia abelhas e zangões bem pintados nas quatro paredes. Sobre a cômoda, repousavam alguns espécimes elétricos – todos sorriam. O destaque era um zangão de brinquedo que voava perdido num voo sem sentido, porém divertido.

Em seu mundinho era impossível conceber a ideia de que abelhas e zangões não fossem felizes. E as maiores provas estavam nos desenhos animados que assistia, nos livrinhos que o apraziam e nas histórias em quadrinhos que o satisfaziam. Tudo parecia tão belo.

Paulinho acreditava que as abelhas davam mel às pessoas em troca de algo que ele ainda não tinha descoberto o que era. “O que será que elas ganham? Tem que ser algo muito mais gostoso do que mel. Será que existe?”, monologou. Um dia, se surpreendeu quando seu amiguinho Inácio contou que seu pai descobriu a localização de uma fazenda de mel.

— Vamos dar um jeito de ir lá ver como é, Inácio. Agora fiquei curioso.

— Eu também, Paulinho. Já sei! Vamos inventar uma história pra conseguir visitar esse lugar.

Para convencer sua mãe a levá-los até a fazenda apícola, Paulinho disse que a professora deu um trabalho sobre a vida das abelhas. “Depois ela quer que a gente escreva sobre tudo que vimos lá”, justificou. Como ele jamais tinha mentido, a mãe estranhou a tarefa, mas não o questionou.

O primeiro sinal de estranhamento dos meninos surgiu quando eles perceberam que a fazenda não era tão colorida como nas historinhas infantis. Parecia opaca demais para ser real. Não havia nenhum tipo de brilho no local, somente dezenas de caixas velhas e sujas de madeira rodeadas por árvores fragilizadas, com galhos secos que se inclinavam como se suplicassem pelo despertar da vida em suas mais variadas formas.

A terra nua persistia áspera, arenosa e rala, onde poucas porções de gramíneas se esforçavam para brotar do chão choroso.

– Cadê o girassol e o dourado do sol cobrindo a fazendinha das abelhas? Por que tem pessoas aqui e nenhuma abelha veio receber a gente?

— É mesmo, Paulinho! E que roupa estranha é aquela que tão usando ali?

— Acalmem-se, meninos! É cedo ainda para começar a reclamar.

Logo um homem carregando uma máscara se aproximou para recebê-los. Era o administrador da Fazendinha Douradina, de onde saía o mel que Paulinho tanto apreciava.

— Vieram conhecer nosso trabalho? Sejam bem-vindos, meus amigos!

— Cadê as abelhas?, questionou Paulinho sem titubear.

— Elas estão naquelas caixas ali.

— Ué, mas cadê a colmeia? Aquilo não parece uma, reclamou Inácio.

Sem saber o que responder, o homem desconversou e os convidou para irem até a área industrial da fazenda, onde o mel era processado e embalado. Antes de segui-lo, Paulinho não gostou de ver pessoas manipulando as abelhas nas caixas. Quanto mais eles mexiam, mais os insetos ficavam agitados. Paulinho e Inácio sentiram o desconforto das abelhas através da frequência dos zunidos.

No depósito, enquanto passeavam por expositores com milhares de potinhos de vidro, que traziam na embalagem abelhinhas felizes voando sobre um caldeirão de mel, Paulinho perguntou onde era o banheiro. Disfarçadamente caminhou até um senhor que observava o trabalho da equipe de apicultores.

— Você sabe o que eles estão fazendo ali?, perguntou Paulinho.

— Sei sim. Estão se preparando para substituí-las. Com esse calor e trabalhando na produção de mel, as operárias cansam muito rápido, não vivem mais do que 45 dias. Vão trocar também a Rainha porque ela fez dois anos e está colocando menos de dois mil ovos por dia. Inclusive já devem ter achado as “realeiras”. É difícil evitar que elas morram nesse processo, revelou o motorista da Fazendinha Douradina.

Paulinho ficou surpreso, sentiu os olhos fumegantes e se esforçou ao máximo para não chorar. Seus lábios tremiam e ele não conseguiu desfazer o bico. Sensibilizado, o homem se arrependeu de ter contado a verdade.

— Não, filho! Não é bem assim. Não fique triste, por favor!

De repente, Paulinho sentiu uma leve picada na panturrilha. Quando se agachou, viu uma abelhinha estonteada desfalecendo sobre o chão calcinado. Junto dela, contou mais sete, oito, nove, dez abelhas mortas.

— Nunca mais vou comer nada com mel! Juro por tudo!, berrou o menino antes de correr até os caixotes e derrubar um por um com as próprias mãos nuas. Contrariando todas as probabilidades, as abelhas não atacaram Paulinho, simplesmente partiram voando e zunindo, deixando para trás tudo que produziram.

Quando os apicultores perseguiram o menino, o motorista gritou:

— Não! Deixem ele! Toda criança tem razão porque sua ação vem da pureza do coração.

Cansado, Paulinho deitou ileso numa porção de relva que parecia ter brotado naquele momento, aspirando à vida que ele assistia preenchendo o céu em forma de abelhas. Parou de lacrimejar e sorriu, levantando as mãos para o firmamento, onde o zunido da última abelhinha foi interpretado por ele como um tipo de agradecimento.

O suposto motorista era na realidade o dono da Fazendinha Douradina. Ele não repreendeu Paulinho. Também não se queixou com a mãe do menino. Muito pelo contrário, o agradeceu. No final da tarde, não havia mais abelhas nem mel no local. Pela primeira vez em 20 anos a fazenda fez jus ao próprio nome, quando a luz inédita do sol dourou tudo que renascia sob o canto de um rouxinol.

Curiosidade

“Realeira” é uma grande célula de onde emerge a nova rainha.

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Era um dourado que cintilava tanto quanto a primeira luz que o sol lançou sobre o Rio Paraná

Orlando levou um susto ao ouvir o dourado se chocando contra o casco do barco (Foto: Reprodução)

Como fazia todos os dias, Orlando lavou o rosto, escovou os dentes, preparou a tralha, se despediu da esposa, da neta e saiu de casa na silente escuridão da madrugada. Durante a caminhada até a barranca do Rio Paraná ganhou a companhia de cigarras e grilos que cantavam com tanta sofreguidão que pareciam ansiar pela alvorada.

Quando encostou no bambuzal a poucos metros da margem, Orlando acendeu o palheiro e observou no horizonte o sol saindo ocioso por trás das cortinas de água – lançava um brilho que dourava o Paranazão até onde os olhos poderiam alcançar. “Que coisa linda! Faz valer pular da cama cedinho assim”, comentou tragando e baforando uma fumaça ruça que saía quente da boca e logo arrefecia, deixando a língua amarga e o peito chiando. Se recordou dos pedidos exaustivos da mulher para que largasse o fumo de corda. Teimoso, ainda fumava dois ou três toda manhã.

Antes da última tragada, o cenho grave de Orlando deu lugar a uma gargalhada expansiva que fez sua barriga doer ao contar oito sapos coaxando e brincando no cerne de um brejo. “Até parece disputa pra ver quem canta mais alto. E tem quem diz que os bichos não são espertos”, comentou quando o menor dos sapos se esquivou de uma investida ardilosa do maior. Sem mais distrações, caminhou até o Rio Paraná, se ajoelhou, reverenciou o céu, a terra e a água. Subiu sobre o barco, o desamarrou, ajeitou a tralha e ligou o motor. Seguiu criando pequenas ondas, cortando a água que se tornava menos turva e mais cristalina conforme se distanciava da margem.

Massageando seus poucos cabelos grisalhos, o vento temperado e úmido trouxe lembranças da mocidade, dos amigos que partiram, dos familiares falecidos. Com 60 anos, sentia-se cansado, não pela ação do tempo sobre o corpo. O rosto estriado não o incomodava. Orlando simplesmente não sabia o que havia de errado em sua vida, mas sentia, e seguia fazendo o que sempre fez. Pescador desde a infância, morou em cinco ilhas no seio do Paranazão. Pescou tanto em mais de 45 anos que deixou de sentir prazer em tirar da água as preciosidades da natureza.

— Depois que criaram a barragem, muitas espécies de peixes sumiram, é o que todo mundo diz, inclusive eu. Mas será que a gente também não tem culpa nisso? Todos esses anos de pesca deve ter traumatizado a natureza – refletiu coçando o queixo levemente enrugado e queimado pela frequente exposição solar.

Durante décadas, Orlando sorriu para fotos, segurando peixes de até 80 quilos. Abasteceu muitos congeladores de peixarias em um raio de mais de 100 quilômetros. Porém, nos últimos cinco anos deixou de ver os animais que tirava da água como troféus. Num final de tarde, se irritou quando o amigo Laércio, um de seus clientes, ameaçou romper negócios, alegando que ele estava entregando poucos peixes.

“Parece que não sabe pescar mais. Tem piá aí que já tá te deixando pra trás, meu amigo. Vai dizer que já esqueceu que te chamavam de Zóio de Anzol? Vamos despertar aí!”, reclamou Laércio. Durante a travessia da Lagoa do Jacaré, Orlando se recordou do episódio na peixaria. Ele não disse nada a Laércio naquele dia. Continuou pescando por pressão que não reconhecia.

Por volta das 17h, após percorrer o Rio Bahia, retornou à margem. Desanimado, viu a própria casa despontando na ladeira. Desligou o motor do barco e ficou em silêncio, ora observando a água, ora o céu. O pescador não queria estar ali, e postergava o inevitável amargando a volatilidade de uma crise existencial.

Entristecido, cochilou com a cabeça escorada sobre o colete salva-vidas. A noite ameaçava surgir e ele não tinha pescado nada. “O que vão pensar de mim?”, se perguntou. O sol foi piedoso; cobriu seu corpo com uma luz morna, até que meia hora depois Orlando levou um susto ao ouvir algo se chocando contra o casco do barco.

Titubeante, preparou a vara de pescar e a lançou na água com destreza, como se chicoteasse o leito. Em menos de minuto, sentiu uma fisgada no anzol e a vara envergando. Enquanto se esforçava para puxá-la, um peixe se debatia violentamente sob a água. Era um dourado que cintilava tanto quanto a primeira luz que o sol lançou sobre o Rio Paraná.

Deitado à força no interior do barco, o peixe de seis quilos lutou com vigor, se debatendo em cima de um pedaço de lona. Orlando franziu a testa, cerrou os dentes e evitou olhar diretamente para o animal. Seus olhos doíam. Ainda assim, tirou o peixe do barco, o enrolou na lona para não ter de observá-lo e caminhou até a peixaria. Lá, colocou o dourado sobre uma mesa com vestígios de vísceras e sangue seco nas rebarbas e gritou:

— Ô de casa! Ô Laércio! Vim trazer um dourado. Tu disse que faz tempo que não recebe nenhum. Pega logo aqui que quero ir pra casa.

— Tô aqui no fundo, Orlando. Venha me dar uma mão. Preciso mudar a posição dos congeladores.

Mesmo a contragosto, Orlando ajudou Laércio. De volta à recepção da peixaria, o dourado não estava mais lá, somente o pedaço de lona que o envolvia. O pescador levou as mãos à cabeça e seu coração disparou.

— Não acredito nisso! Não é possível que levaram o peixe daqui! O que eu vou fazer agora?

Cerca de cem metros ladeiro abaixo, Orlando ficou chocado quando viu o dourado pulando, tentando chegar às margens do Rio Paraná. Então correu até ele e, antes que alguém o fizesse, o tomou nos braços e continuou descendo, sem se preocupar com as correias do chinelo que se desfaziam pelo caminho.

Com olhos escuros e fixos, e uma boca que abria e fechava o tempo todo, o peixe parou de se debater e pela primeira vez o pescador enxergou o próprio reflexo nas escamas do animal. Mais do que tudo, o dourado ansiava pela água. E o cheiro que emanava de seu corpo não era de carne, mas sim de vida. Sob a luz do poente, assim que o peixe foi lançado ao rio, Orlando renasceu e o dourado desapareceu.

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